Pastors Need Growing Too!

Not too long ago, I came across some old articles I had written for a church newsletter several years ago.  As I reread these memorials to another time and place I was surprised to see they were memorials to another man--another pastor too.  Oh, they were my articles, my thoughts, my name was all over them but in another sense they weren't mine.....not anymore.  I keep them not because I will ever reuse them but to remind myself that God not only grows His people, He grows His pastors too.

One of the first things that caught my eye about what I was writing so many years ago was how focused I was on proving my theological convictions and biases.  Even before I began writing things down, back in my very first church, at the spry young age of 27 I had a dear older saint come to see me about a concern she had.  After, recovering from the shocking fact, that I and my preaching were her concern, I listened as she explained, that I sometimes came across more like a prosecuting attorney than a tender and loving shepherd.  Of course, feeling the compulsory need to defend myself from this assault on "God's man preaching God's truth", I, argued my case with the skill of a good defense attorney.  But, the fact is, she was right.  I just didn't know that then.  You see, I had some growing to do.  Thankfully, she didn't leave, run, hide, or mobilize the church against me.  She just kept loving me and praying for me.

This "defense mechanism" that showed up in my pastoring was really not a new thing for me.  I had a supervisor in the Coast Guard tell me that I'd go a lot further in life and in particular in my job if I weren't so intent on defending myself from correction.  Over time and a lot of hard times, I began to see that he was right.  My problem was that I felt I had something to prove. You see, to be wrong, in my mind, was to be unfit or unqualified to be doing what I was doing.  To be mistaken meant I was not as smart or as prepared as I should be.  To be incorrect about the facts meant I was not conscientious and in fact was neglectful and irresponsible.  So, my goal, back in this days was to make sure I wasn't wrong even if that meant arguing circles around people to somehow prove I wasn't wrong, mistaken, incorrect, or, and let's just be honest about it--a sinner.

Another interesting thing I see in my old stuff, which by-the-way, will not see the light of day again, is how much more focused I was on having an agenda, usually a theological one, for my churches.  It wasn't that I was wrong to desire the people I pastored to grow in the truth of God's Word.  It wasn't wrong and still isn't to want to see your people understand their Faith better.  It was and still is entirely correct and good for pastors to go deep in their teaching of the Word of God so as to help their folks understand and connect theological truths.  But, it was wrong and thus, not healthy to see people as "my theological projects".  They didn't need a pastor who had an agenda for them.  They needed a pastor who was able to be with them and love them without having an agenda for them--a pastor who instead of seeing them as projects, saw them as gifts.  They needed a pastor who accepted them as they came to him just as Christ does.  In addition, they needed a pastor who, through his consistent gospel-centered teaching and Spirit-filled life, gently and patiently guided them into a  more mature, fruitful, and joyful life in Christ.

So, what about me today?  Why did I find those old articles and my road down memory lane so uncomfortable in many ways, yet really exciting in another?  Its because I see growth.  I can see that God, over the years, has been working, in me and on me, to gently and patiently guide me into a more mature, fruitful and joyful life in Christ.  He has helped me to understand that being wrong, incorrect, mistaken, and even a sinner isn't what defines me--Christ is Who defines me.  The Lord, through His Word, has also shown me that because of the gospel I am perfectly accepted by and acceptable to God.  In fact, in Christ, I cannot be more accepted by or acceptable to God than I am right now.  And if I am accepted by God because, in Christ, I am acceptable to God--I have nothing to prove.  This means that I don't need to always be right.  It means that I don't always have to prove my point or defend myself or make myself look better than I am or win every theological argument or, and this may be the best part--try to hide the fact that I am a sinner who having been saved by grace is kept saved by grace too.

I'm a much more relaxed pastor these days than I was back when I began this road march over 30 years ago.  I don't argue so much these days and I'm much more interested in people being impressed with Jesus and the gospel than me, my preaching, and my theological persuasions.  Oh, I still have to deal with my old fleshly pride that wants to argue and defend me at every turn, but I see progress and for that I am glad, as is, I am sure, everyone who has to deal with me.  Some of this progress may be because I'm older and hopefully a little wiser but most of it is because of the Good Shepherd Who never gives up on His sheep.  He Who has promised to get us where we need to go and be, will do exactly that (1 These. 5:23-24).  Aren't you glad too?!

Finally, I am prompted to wonder if churches and we, pastors, quit on each other too soon.  I wonder what might happen if a commitment were made between the two to stick it out for better or worse.  Who knows?  But, maybe after a few years, some painful scraps, crushed pride, perseverance, some tough love on both sides,  open communication, and large doses of gospel-forged humility--the church might finally get the pastor she had hoped for and the pastor--the church he would never leave.   Just wondering!