Message #3 Transitioning Leadership Series "Spiritual Leaders Must Have The Right Stuff--At Home!"

Message #3 Transitioning Leadership Series Numbers 27:18-23

The movie, “The Right Stuff”, which came out in 1983 was based on Tom Wolfe's book on the history of the U.S. Space Program. In the book he covered the breaking of the sound barrier by Chuck Yeager to the Mercury 7 astronauts who all knew the risks they were taking as they rode their primitive capsules into space. They knew they were sitting on rockets that could explode them into the tiniest of atoms. They also realized that the fierce heat of re-entry could reduce them to cinders, as well as the possibility that there would be no re-entry, leaving them to perish miserably in Space. Yet these men eagerly took those risks and succeeded because as Wolfe writes, “they were made of the right stuff.”

Well, whereas, the men whom God has called and anointed to lead His people may not ever have to ride a rocket into Space and face the prospect of never coming home—they do have to have “the right stuff” if they are to be successful in providing godly and spiritual leadership to God's people. And this was Moses' concern—he wanted God to provide a new leader that had “the right stuff” so as to lead God's people to their next challenge. And whereas, Moses is not setting forth in a detailed format all of the qualifications for spiritual leadership in Numbers 27:17-18 he is laying out the basic criteria for what is needed in a man who is going to provide for the spiritual leadership of God's people.

In the first category, he makes the point that this man must be a man who leads himself spiritually. He is a “self-feeder” if you will. He knows how to feed and spiritually care for himself. He is not going to be the guy who is constantly in need of a “group hug” or the affirmation of others. He has learned how to walk with God as an individual. And that requires some desert time with the Lord alone where a man is placed in hard and difficult situations in which he must rely entirely upon the Lord for spiritual sustenance and encouragement.

Second, this man needs to be a proven leader when it comes to leading others spiritually. In other words, he has a proven track record of spiritual leadership in which he has demonstrated an ability to successfully provide spiritual leadership in those realms of authority God has placed him in—such as—in his marriage and family, which interestingly enough is where God states the church should look first when checking out a potential leader.

According to 1 Timothy 3:4, the overseer or the pastor, if you will, must be one who manages his own household well. The word “well” comes from a Greek word which means, that which is good, excellent, and commendable. In other words, the man who should be considered for the position of an overseer over the church of God must be a man whose leadership at home is far more than just “making it” or just “keeping his head above water”. His leadership at home is commendable and serves as an example for other men in their leadership at home.

Note where Paul says the church needs to look to see if the candidate's leadership at home is up to par—at his ability to lead and keep his kids under control with all dignity. The word “dignity” comes from the Greek word, semnotes and means respect and reverence—the idea being that the man who is qualified to lead God's people is a man who is able to lead his children—not because they are deathly afraid of him—but because they respect and reverence him. In other words, his leadership at home is a respected leadership. His leadership is not questioned, mocked, made fun of, and ignored by his kids—rather they respectfully and reverentially obey and submit to their dad's authority in the home.

Paul's point is clear—yes you need to look and see if a man's family and in particular his kids are following his leadership but then you need to look and see why they are following it. If it is simply because they are scared spitless of him rather than because they truly respect and revere him as a godly leader then you would want to think twice about handing the reigns of spiritual leadership in the church over to that man.

Now, there is another thing this passage brings out very subtly and that is that his children are old enough that their obedience is motivated by respect and reverence for their dad rather than the fear of getting a good licking. If you take a look over at the Titus 1:5-6 passage, you'll notice that the pastoral candidate is to have children who believe and who are not accused of dissipation or rebellion. Now the Greek word that is translated “believe” is pistis and literally means “faithful”. It does have built into its meaning the fact that this child is a believer and a believer whose faith in Christ is being authenticated by his faithfulness. Now, this is not saying that if an elder has a little baby in the family he is not qualified to serve as an elder because the little baby is not yet saved. Rather, what Paul is saying is that the church needs to be looking for men as its pastors who have proven their leadership at home by having led and lived and managed their homes in such a way that God has used this spiritual leadership as the means of saving his children and of seeing their salvation authenticated by faithfulness to Christ.

Secondly, Paul makes the point that these children should not be able to be “accused of dissipation or rebellion”. Now what is dissipation? The basic idea behind the word is that of “wasting and squandering one's life by wasting one's resources, talents, abilities, and future on wild and indulgent living that has no regard for authority. It was commonly used to describe a state of drunken revelry. And the word “rebellion” here is not talking about a child who struggles from time-to-time with talking back or disobeying his parents—it is talking about the child who cannot be brought under the control of his parents and specifically his father. In other words, what is assumed here is that the pastoral candidate has children who are old enough to believe and demonstrate an authentic and genuine profession of faith in Christ in that they cannot be accused of pursuing or desiring to pursue a wild, indulgent, and wasteful life as well as are no longer able to be brought under the control and authority of his parents.

Note as well, that the bar Paul sets is not that the potential elder's kids cannot be guilty of such behavior—the bar is that they cannot even be accused of such behavior. I think one of the things that church's miss when looking for qualified elders and pastors is whether the man they are checking out has proven his spiritual leadership at home and this requires that his children be at least old enough to be led and to follow their dad's leadership. Also, if you go back to 1 Timothy 3:4-5 you will see Paul making the point in verse 5 that “if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God.” In other words, the place where a man learns how to manage and spiritually lead the church is in his home.

In my mind and I believe in the Apostle Paul's mind—this requires that a man have children old enough to lead to saving faith in Christ and to a basic maturity in Christ in which their faith is authenticated by godly attitudes and living. They may not be perfect but their lives demonstrate that their profession of faith in Christ was real. I think the presupposition in these verses is also that his children are old enough to challenge his leadership and even rebel against it but don't. In regard to the Titus passage, John MacArthur makes point that:

“To find out if a man is qualified for leadership in the church, look first at his influence on his own children. If you want to know if he is able to lead the unsaved to faith in Christ and to help them grow in obedience and holiness, simply examine the effectiveness of his own efforts with his own children.
[Paul's] reference to dissipation strongly suggests that he has in mind primarily grown or nearly grown children. Even very young children can believe in Christ, and they certainly can be rebellious. But they cannot be guilty of dissipation in any normal sense of the word.

Many Christian men who work hard to support and manage their households utterly fail in leading their children to salvation, to godliness, and to Christian service. It is not that a faithful and conscientious father is responsible for his children's rejection of the gospel. He may have made every effort to teach them their need of salvation through trust in Jesus Christ and have set a godly example for them to follow. Nevertheless, such men are not qualified to be elders if they do not have children not only who believe but who also are not accused of dissipation or rebellion.

Successful spiritual leadership of their own families is their proving ground, as it were, for spiritual leadership in the church, because they are to be models of Christian living." (The MacArthur New Testament Commentary, Titus, 30-31)

Are there exceptions to this rule that a man have children of an age that would also necessitate the pastoral candidate be an older man? Sure—Spurgeon was the exception to the rule. However, the exceptions to the rule don't undo what the Bible states are the general qualifications for a church to look for in a man they are considering to be their pastor. Again, the man the church is to look for is the man who has proven he can lead himself and his family as a shepherd would lead his sheep.

Now, let me also say that unless a man has the full support of his wife in how he is leading his children—there will be a disconnect here—which will result in a failed leadership. In other words, the man who has proven himself in the spiritual leadership of his children has first been able to lead his wife. Keep in mind, that the authority in the home is given by God to the husband and father in the home. It is not that God gives daddy some authority and mommy some authority and tells them to use their individual authority to raise their children. There is only one authority and it is the authority that God provides to the man for the leadership of his family—beginning with his wife.

When a wife—in front of the kids--chooses to mock, belittle, question, doubt, make light of, violate or just not support her husband's clear wishes and authority—she is not only undercutting his leadership—she is destroying his ability to lead their kids because she is undermining their respect and reverence for their father. Proverbs 14:1 speaks profoundly to this issue when it says: “The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Look at 1 Corinthians 11:3. There is only one authority and it is God's authority, which He has given to Christ in His function as the Head of the Church and then which is given through Christ to the man in his role as the head of his home. Thus, when a wife undercuts the authority of her husband—especially in front of their children—she has really undercut God's authority in the home and taught her children, in essence that there is no authority--in this home or anywhere else.

Now, I understand that many a Christian woman is frustrated by the weak and sometimes even non-existent spiritual leadership of her husband but—you don't help the situation or yourself or your husband or your children by whining and complaining about it or by picking up the reigns for yourself. It would be far better to teach your children and especially your daughters how a godly woman lives and even thrives under weak and/or non-existent spiritual leadership than to teach them to usurp it. And this is another reason why the man who is qualified to lead God's church will be so obvious—not only are his children and specifically his older children under his authority as those who respect and revere him—so is his wife and that is one of the big reasons his kids are.

Strong and godly spiritual leadership cannot be effectively implemented or modeled in a home where the husband and wife is divided. Little eyes are watching and learning. Likewise, strong, godly, and effective spiritual leadership cannot be effectively implemented or modeled in a church where the pastor and his wife are divided. Little eyes and big eyes are watching and learning there too!

And wives—let me say that how you treat and respond to your husbands and their leadership in public—in the church—is noticed and it matters. When it is apparent that you have little respect for him as a leader and as a man—why would we?! To a large degree—you wives have the ability to make or break your husbands as they are seen by others—which is why the Excellent Wife of Proverbs 31 is a woman whose husband trusts in her because she does him good and not evil so that he is known as a good man and an influential man in the gates.

There are many places and positions within the church in which a man who is growing and developing in his spiritual leadership may serve. But the eldership and especially the senior pastor position is not one of them. These positions are only for men whose spiritual leadership at home with their wives and kids has been and is being proven.

Now, whereas the scriptural criteria for spiritual leadership is really high—it is not isolated to just those men who desire to be pastors—these qualifications are to be the goal of every Christian man. But because we all learn best when we have an example to follow—God's Word tells us that those who desire to be pastors must meet this criteria so as to provide the best example possible to the Church of Jesus Christ.

CONCLUSION

We, in this church, would be shocked to hear of a father who does not desire the absolute very best for his children—yet we are not shocked by our own failure to work at measuring up to the qualifications God has set for spiritual leadership of His children. The very best any of us as men—as husbands—and as fathers can give our kids is a man whose spiritual leadership they not only can respect and revere but follow and then pass on to their own families one day.

Likewise, we, in this church, would be shocked to hear that one of our moms does not want the very best for her children—yet we are not shocked when we hear a mom belittle, make light of, ignore, contradict, question, and ultimately destroy the only and thus the very best spiritual leader God has appointed in her home—her very own husband.

What goes on at home really does matter—so much so that God says—when it comes time to finding a man to lead His church—you need to find one who has the right stuff at home. The vast majority of men who fail as pastors in the church—fail because of character issues, leadership style, ineffectiveness to lead, and failure to make tough decisions—all stuff that is best learned and demonstrated at home. Very rarely, does a man lose his ministry because he is not a Chuck Swindoll or a John MacArthur or a John Piper in the pulpit. But he will lose it and a whole lot more if he is not working on developing and demonstrating “The Right Stuff” at home.