The Hard Work of Forgiveness 2 Corinthians 2:5-11 Message 13

Marie Monville used the have a different name: Marie Roberts and a different life: She was the milkman’s wife, a 28-year-old married mother-of-three who loved the Lord, taught a woman’s Bible study in her church, and loved her husband dearly.

But that all changed on October 2, 2006 when she became known throughout the world as “The Shooter’s Wife”.

On that day, seven years ago this month, Marie’s husband, Charlie, walked into an Amish schoolhouse in rural Pennsylvania and bound and shot 10 school girls, killing five of them before killing himself.

Marie, who finally broken her silence by publishing a book entitled: One Light Still Shines, states that what enabled her to cope with her husband’s killing spree and its aftermath upon her and her three small children was the love of God for her which He vividly demonstrated to her when on and after the day of the shooting—families of the dead and wounded Amish girls came to embrace her, forgive her husband, and stand by her family in the media scrutiny that followed.

“They wanted us to know that they had forgiven Charlie and that was such a release from the weight of having to give an explanation of his actions”.

The Amish people’s actions were especially kind when so many around the country were hearing the news and suggesting Marie should share the blame as she must have known something of what her husband was up to.

Outside Charlie’s funeral, held at the same church in which they married and worshipped, there was a “wall of Amish people,” what she came to call “a wall of grace.”

With the full glare of international media literally pointed at her and her children as they drove from the funeral service towards Charlie’s burial site, Marie writes what she suddenly recognized amid the sea of men and women in black hats and bonnets standing between their car and the cameras was that, “They were shielding us! The Amish were shielding the family of Charlie Roberts.”

They lived out compassion and they extended grace and they chose to love rather than blame or hate.  It was a choice that they made—a choice to forgive which enabled them to keep on loving and living.

And through that choice to forgive the man who killed their children and protect and love the family of that man—Marie and her three children were enabled to keep on living and loving too.

All because people chose to live out their faith in Christ by choosing to enter into the hard and often heart-wrenching work of forgiveness!

Well, it’s this work of forgiveness that the Bible will speak to us about this morning.

Please turn with me to 2 Corinthians 2:5-11.

Paul finally lets us in on some of the details of what happened to cause so much trouble between him and the church at Corinth.

It was one man who basically turned some in the church, whom Paul had lived among, loved, shared the Gospel with, taught, and discipled, against him and really in essence damaged Paul’s reputation and his ministry in Corinth by making false accusations against him—calling him a false teacher, a deceiver, lazy, incapable, fickle, untrustworthy, insinuating that Paul had misused ministry funds.

In other words, this man was bringing up every charge he could and then going behind the scenes with enough slanderous gossip, half-truths, and downright lies to do everything he could to make Paul appear unfit to even be allowed in church let alone leading the churches.

But through the grace of God this man repented and now desired to be forgiven for what he had done to Paul.

And in 2 Corinthians 2:5-11, we read the firsthand account of how Paul responds to this man who had done so much to try and ruin his life, his testimony, and his ministry.

It is an account of the work of forgiveness.

Listen as I read the passage from the ESV.

5.  Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it too severely—to all of you.

6.  For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough,

7.  so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.

8.  So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him.

9.  For this is why I wrote, that I might test you and know whether you are obedient in everything.

10.  Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ,

11.  so that we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs.

Now, let’s unpack it and see what the “work of forgiveness” entails.

1.   Forgiveness minimizes the impact of the personal offense against the offended.  (5)

“Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it too severely—to all of you.”

Paul, in this statement, is doing something that is really unusual for a person who has been seriously hurt by another to do—he is actually minimizing the offense against him for the sake of the offender.

It has been my experience that people are far more prone to maximize the pain and the damage caused when they are offended by someone.

There is a sense in which we want to make sure everyone knows how badly we were  treated and how much damage was done.

This tends to make the offender look even worse and garners more sympathy for the person who was offended.

But rarely do you ever see someone who was genuinely hurt by another telling others that it really wasn’t a big deal.

And that is what Paul is doing here.  He is saying that the offense against him wasn’t as bad as everyone thinks it is.  

And the reason he does this is to free the people in the church to forgive this man without feeling like they would be adding to Paul’s pain.

You see, sometimes when someone we love is hurt by another we struggle with forgiving that person even after the offense has been taken care of because we feel that in forgiving the offender we are somehow being disloyal and unsupportive of the person we love who was hurt.

And what Paul is doing here is freeing the people who love him and who are upset with the fact that he was hurt to also be able to forgive the man who hurt him—and he does it by minimizing the hurt, pain, and damage he experienced.

Listen, when we have been offended or badly hurt by another whom we have some kind of relationship with it is really essential that we don’t make a mountain out of a molehill in terms of how bad the offense really was.

And the reason for this is because whereas one day you will more than likely get over it and restore the relationship—all those people whom you exaggerated the offense and the hurt to may not, simply because of their love and loyalty toward you.

Interestingly enough, until we came to this short passage Paul never went into any kind of detail about who or how he was hurt and the fact is that even this passage is so vague we don’t know much about what happened.

Paul does that on purpose!  He doesn’t want revenge for the offender—he wants forgiveness.

He intensifies his desire that the one who hurt him be forgiven by making the point that in hurting him, the offender really hurt the church in the fact that her testimony, reputation, and ministry was damaged by the whole issue and the only way to undo the damage was by them forgiving this person as well.

I think Gale Webb who wrote The Night and Nothing captures the essence of what Paul was doing in minimizing and really absorbing the personal offense against him so as to free others to freely forgive this man. 

Listen to what he says:

“The only way to conquer evil is to let it be smothered within a willing, living, human being. When it is absorbed there, like blood in a sponge or a spear thrown into one's heart, it loses its power and goes no further.”

2.   Forgiveness seeks to extend mercy to the offender.  (6)

For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough.

In verse 6, Paul essentially says—“enough already”.

The discipline inflicted by the church which was biblical and effective had served its purpose in causing the offender to realize his offense and desire to be forgiven and restored to the fellowship of the church.

Once this offender asked to be forgiven and restored, which he apparently did, the discipline was to end.

Church discipline is never punitive.  It is always and only put into effect for the sole purpose of bringing a sinning brother or sister in Christ to a point of repentance where they desire forgiveness and full restoration to the fellowship.

And once this goal is realized the discipline put into effect by the church comes to an end.

And so here Paul is saying that the church discipline inflicted upon the offender in which he was put out of the fellowship has had its intended effect and now that the offender has repented—it is time to extend mercy and end the discipline.

And I find it significant that the one seeking the mercy on behalf of the offender is the person who was hurt.  That is the work of forgiveness!

Now, please understand that Paul is not saying that there should be no discipline or punishment for wrongdoers and wrongdoing. 

That is not what he is saying.  Discipline, tough love, and punishment are all often necessary in dealing with people who have hurt others.

But even in the midst of the punishment or the tough love or the discipline—whatever it may be—there can still be forgiveness in which you personally no longer hold that offense, that hurt, or that sin against the offender and desire mercy to be extended to them by God and others

.

Here is an example of what I am talking about.

In July of 2012 in Las Vegas, NV—a man nearly beaten to death in a brutal, random home invasion that also killed his wife and ten-year-old daughter, publicly forgave their attacker.

At a press conference, an audience of about 75 supporters, dignitaries and media gasped when he opened his statement by tearfully saying, “I forgive this murderer because of my faith in God and in Jesus Christ.”

  

Sanchez also made it clear that while the perpetrator, does deserve to be punished by the government for his crimes even if this means the death penalty, he himself had forgiven him and will not hold his sin against him.

He then made the point that God can and does forgive murderers like the one who killed his wife and daughter.

This man, like the Apostle Paul, put his energies into the work of forgiveness so as to be able to hope for future mercy for this man even as he pays for his crimes here on earth.

The work of forgiveness toward the offender who repents is to seek mercy on his behalf.

The work of forgiveness toward the offender who has not repented is to hope for his or her repentance being ready to extend mercy if that time comes.

3.   Forgiveness seeks to restore joy, love, and fellowship to the offender. (7-8)

“So you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.  So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him.”

Paul’s major concern is that the offender—whomever he is—now that he has repented be restored to the fellowship of the church and receive affirmations of love so that he would be restored to the “joy of his salvation” so as not to be given to excessive sorrow, guilt, shame, and a sense of not being able to really fit in with the people in the church again.

So again, the work of forgiveness is the person who was hurt acting as an advocate on behalf of the offender to encourage others to seek him out and love on him so that he knows he is welcome back in the church or the group.

The work of forgiveness is working toward the complete restoration of the offender to not only himself but to any others who had knowledge of the offense.

When King David’s son Absalom took revenge against one of his half-brothers for raping his sister and killed him—he ran away thinking his father would kill him but David didn’t have him killed because he knew it was his own passivity in the matter that motivated Absalom to feel as though he had to deal with the situation.

After some time, David was persuaded to allow Absalom to come home but even though he let him come home—he never reached out to his son in any way that demonstrated forgiveness or a desire to re-establish the relationship and he ultimately lost his son forever.

Forgiving another is far more than simply saying—“No Problem—just don’t let it happen again!”

The work of forgiveness is working for the complete restoration of the one who has hurt you so that he or she is fully accepted by you and all your friends and family as if the original offense had never happened.

4.   Forgiveness is a matter of obedience.  (9)

“For this is why I wrote, that I might test you and know whether you are obedient in everything.”

Sometimes when we hear these really unbelievable stories of forgiveness we, while admiring these people who seem to be able to forgive others for the most heinous of crimes, shake our heads and say—“I could never do that!”

Well, it is always hard to figure out what you would or would not do in any given future situation especially one that would require such forgiveness—

But, let me be perfectly clear on this, forgiving others for their sins against us is not an option for believers—it is a command!

We have no choice but to forgive if we want to truly obey our Lord Who has forgiven us of unbelievable crimes against Himself.

In 1993, Madge Rodda, a grandmother and church organist was brutally attacked, beaten, and had her throat slit by a drug-crazed 23 year old man on her way to church in Costa Mesa, California.

Her attacker was captured and sentenced to 17 years in prison.  As he was being led out of the courtroom, he was stopped by Madge who forgave him and gave him a Bible in which she had highlighted verses for him to read.

She also began to visit him in jail, wrote him letters, sent gifts, and shared the Lord with him.

Now into her ninth decade, Madge has some advice for those who struggle with forgiveness.

"You may not feel forgiveness, compassion and love, but God will always provide the grace for us to do what he has commanded us to do, and he has commanded us to forgive."

5.   Forgiveness is extremely humbling. (10b) [If I have anything to forgive]

“Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ.”

This statement of Paul’s in verse 10 is really powerful.  In making the point that he will forgive anyone whom his friends forgive—he also says that indeed, what I have forgiven—if I have forgiven anything has been for your sake in the presence of Christ.

The first thing of great importance I see here is that when we forgive or do not forgive others it is always in the presence of Christ who has forgiven us of everything.

That is humbling—is it not?!

And the second thing I see is this statement of Paul’s in which he says—“Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything”  or “what I have forgiven, if I have anything to forgive.”

In other words, as he looks at this man whom needs forgiveness and then considers how he himself as so offended Christ and was in need of such great forgiveness he is greatly humbled and makes the point that compared to Christ—what does he have to forgive.

Compared to our offenses against Christ—what do we really have to forgive in anyone else?!

The work of forgiving others humbles us because as we forgive them we are reminded of all we have been forgiven of and this opens our hearts to forgive as Christ did.

6.   Forgiveness disarms Satan.  (11)  [ie. Col. 2]

“So that we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs.”

Satan’s desire is to make Christ look bad and he tries to do this by making Christ’s followers look bad.

Satan loves division, disharmony, hatred, bitterness, and revenge.

And when he can fuel the fires of our disagreements, misunderstandings, hard-heartedness, jealousy, sinful pride, and selfishness to create broken relationships between believers who are unwilling to forgive each other—Satan is able to bring disrepute and dishonor to the Name of Christ.

So, Paul finishes his teaching on the work of forgiveness by simply warning us that when we fail to forgive others who have hurt us we are playing into Satan’s hands and become accomplices in dishonoring the Name of our Lord.

And why is it so important to God that we forgive those who have hurt us?

Because when we forgive others who have sinned against us we are living out the Gospel and demonstrating for all to see what Jesus did for us when in order for us to be forgiven by God He absorbed our sin and God’s wrath for our sin so as to render it powerless against us.

You see, we are never more like Jesus than when we forgive others because in forgiving others we are willingly and sacrificially absorbing the wrongs done against us so as to drain them and Satan of their power to do further damage with that particular weapon.

In observing this willingness of God’s people to forgive great evil done against them, Psychiatrist Morgan Peck, made the following observation about these people:

For the healing of evil—A loving and willing sacrifice is required...This individual must allow his own soul to become the battleground.  He….must sacrificially absorb the evil...I do not know how this occurs. But I know that it does...It is this that is the miracle of forgiveness.

Doesn’t this sound like he is describing Christ?  Doesn’t this sound like the Gospel?  Do you see Christ in what he is saying? 

You see, in watching Christians forgive those who hurt them this psychiatrist ended up seeing Christ and that’s why we forgive.