Learn How To Handle Your Disappointments
Or They Will Manhandle You!
While he was still very young, his father took a new job in the city, which disappointingly, meant this boy would have to leave his home, his school and his friends for a new town and a new school. Of course, he found the new school to be much harder than expected and children his age much more difficult to win as friends. So, he became a loner, who spent much of his time reading, painting, and of course dreaming of one day being accepted and important. Poor grades kept him from receiving his graduation diploma—so disappointed with himself he moved to Vienna to work and hopefully seek his fortune. He applied to the Vienna Academy of Fine Arts but was rejected twice, two years in a row. Now, more disappointed than he had ever been in his entire life he withdrew completely from family and friends and wandered aimlessly until running out of money. He went to Germany and became a soldier in hopes that this would bring him the recognition and importance he craved. He served valiantly in the Army and in fact was wounded in action twice in defense of his country but despite his bravery was never promoted to a position of leadership. So disappointed again, he got out of the Army, joined a group that was intent upon overthrowing the German government, and ended up in prison.
Well how did this young man deal with his disappointments he experienced in his life—he didn’t—and they became the breeding ground of the bad attitudes in his life that helped to foster a hatred and bitterness for a whole race of people whom he came to blame his disappointments. In the end, he sent millions of Jews to their deaths and started a world war that took million of lives in his bitterness over the disappointments he had experienced and in his quest to become so powerful—he would never be disappointed again.
Now whereas, none of us in this room could ever imagine becoming an Adolf Hitler—how many little personal battles and wars have we started with others simply because we too suffered some major disappointment or series of disappointments in our lives? How many arguments and fights have we gotten into with our spouses or other family members just because we were disappointed that something didn’t happen that we expected to happen or because someone didn’t perform the way we thought they should or would?
How many times have we gotten mad and left churches because somebody disappointed us? How many times have we quit jobs or even left ministries because we were disappointed by people who didn’t appreciate our work, pay us what we were worth, or even seem to give a lick about the time and energy we were pouring into the company or the ministry? How often have we spent hours and maybe even days or weeks sulking and pouting because we didn’t get the grades we thought we deserved, or the job we wanted or the house we dreamed of or the car we hoped for or the recognition we deserved? Or how many times have you been so disappointed by the weather that you got angry enough to spit?
Listen, disappointments hit all of us. They come in as many flavors as Baskin Robbins Ice Cream and if not dealt with correctly—biblically—they have the ability to grow into the kinds of bad attitudes and bitterness that will not only make you and I very difficult to live with but will also rob us of our joy and our opportunities to make much of Christ.
So this morning we are going to look at some men who were disappointed and who allowed their disappointment to become the bad attitude that robbed them of great blessing and happiness. As we do, I want us to learn the revolutionary truth of how to deal with our disappointments in life by seeing how not to deal with them. In effect, we either handle our disappointments biblically or they will manhandle us. So, again let’s learn what to do and not do when it comes to dealing with these very common bedfellows.
Turn with me to Mark 6:30-52 where we will see that:
">If we do not learn how to deal with our disappointments they will turn into the bad attitudes, which will make us difficult to live with, rob us of our joy in Christ, and ruin our opportunities to make much of Christ.
Thus, learning how to handle our disappointments in a biblical way will revolutionize our lives, our relationships, and probably our families and churches as well.
1. Disappointment In And With Our Circumstances In Life Is Often Caused By Delayed Or Unexpected Expectations. (30-33)
The disciples, who were sent out by Jesus in Mark 6:7-13 and who were apparently so successful that Herod himself had heard of their ministerial exploits (6:14), were excited to finally be home and have the opportunity to share with Jesus all they had experienced. Upon their return, after a fairly extended period of being gone, Jesus still ministering to the crowd says to them—let’s go to a quiet and out of the way place—in other words, “let’s get a way for a while.” But the crowd, who had consumed much of Jesus’ time, attention, and energy for quite a while followed them and in fact anticipated where they were going so as to arrive their first.
Imagine the disciples reaction, when thinking they were going to have some special time with the Lord alone—time to be refreshed and re-energized, time to have their spiritual and emotional tanks refueled—saw the crowds waiting for Jesus? They were, to say the least—disappointed and subsequently developed very quickly, a bad attitude toward these people who had just ruined their vacation.
Interestingly enough, the primary cause of anger, bitterness, and bad attitudes toward life is becoming disappointed over delayed or unfulfilled expectations. Whenever we develop expectations of what we would like to see happen in and for our lives and these expectations are delayed or dashed or simply never come to fruition we find ourselves facing the potential “joy killer” of disappointment. And if disappointment is not dealt with properly it will produce in us bad attitudes that will poison our outlook on life and ministry.
It is very important to note that the cause of the disciples bad attitude in this passage is disappointment over not having much desired and deserved time with the Lord alone—thus failure to see even good and godly expectations come to fruition can cause disappointment, which if left unchecked will develop into sinful attitudes.
2. Disappointment, Left Unchecked, Will Cloud Our Vision For Ministry. (34)
Note that whereas Jesus sees sheep—the disciples see only a crowd.
Note that whereas Jesus sees sheep without a shepherd—the disciples see only a crowd that has ruined their vacation.
Note that whereas Jesus welcomes them begins to teach them (Mk. 6:34)—the disciples do not interact with them in any way nor do they appear to minister to them, which is really quite odd because if you look at Luke 9:11 and compare it with Luke 9:1-2, which is Luke’s account of this event—the disciples had just spent an extended period of time doing the very thing Jesus is doing but seemingly are not lifting a hand to help as Jesus is ministering to a crowd of well over 5000 people.
REMEMBER—When disappointed with [1] Where you are; [2] Who you are with; and/or [3] What you are doing—you will develop a bad attitude toward life, ministry, and the people God brings to you to minister to.
3. Disappointment, Left Unchecked, Will Turn A Servant’s Compassionate And Giving Heart Into A Selfish Caustic Heart. (35-37)
The disciples, who only a short time ago were compassionately serving others by putting their needs before and above their own are now struggling to maintain that attitude. This is evident in that the only one who is said to have ministered to the crowd for the whole day was Jesus. It is seen in that apparently the disciples stayed away from Jesus for the better part of the day. [v. 35 “When it was already quite late they came to Him”] It is also seen in the dialogue between Jesus and His disciples in verses 35-37. Note what they say: “This place is desolate and it is already quite late.” The Greek word used here for “desolate” is the same word used by Jesus when He said, “Come away by yourselves to a secluded place. . . “
In other words, what they are saying is: Jesus, this is the place, the desolate place—the place you were taking us to and our time is fleeting. And then in v. 36, they did the unbelievable—they actually commanded Him to send the people away. The Aorist Imperative used here indicates an abrupt terse order. Thus they are in effect saying to Jesus: Jesus, this is our spot, the desolate and remote vacation spot you promised to take us to and this is supposed to be our time with you—so get rid of these people, send them away now!
Note in verse 36 the reason they give for sending the people away—so that they might go into the villages in the surrounding countryside to buy food. The only problem with this is that at this time of the day there would be no place with much food to sell. The food would have been sold much earlier in the day. The other problem with their suggestion is even if there was still food to buy where would they find enough for over 5000 people? In other words, they knew it was impossible to find food for this many people at this time of the day—but it was the only excuse they could come up with to send them away.
But check out Jesus’ response—He saw right through them and their bad attitude. He gives them a command, saying, “You give them something to eat!” In other words, If you’re so concerned for them and their hunger—YOU and You alone take care of them. (emphatic) Jesus, here, hits them right between the eyes with what their real problem is—its not a lack of resources that’s the real problem—its their lack of concern. You see, their disappointment turned into a bad attitude that robbed them of their concern and love for others.
Remember—Ministries do not fail for lack of money. They fail for lack of concern and compassion. Likewise, ministers do not generally fail for lack of ministerial giftedness as much as because they have lost their sense of compassion and care for the people God has called them to minister to (usually because of a series of disappointments).
Let me track down a rabbit trail for just a moment here—I share my pulpit with many men in this church from time to time—usually when I am on vacation or out of town on some adventure. But if you will notice, the only men who preach from this pulpit are men who have demonstrated a love and a concern for the people of this church. You see, it is one thing to love to preach. It is quite another to love those to whom you preach. There are many young men here as well as older men who want to preach—who want to be pastors and missionaries—that is good—in fact it is wonderful. But, just let me say to you that I don’t care how much you know if you have not demonstrated how much you care. Oh, don’t misunderstand me. I will be the first to tell you that you must study and study hard and long if you are to preach the Word of God to God’s people—but if that is all you do—you have no place ministering in this pulpit or any pulpit as far as I am concerned. There is time in every pastor’s day to be with the Lord in the hard, exacting, and rigorous study and prayer that it takes to bring you a message every Sunday. There is also enough time if you are not lazy to spend some time with God’s people on a regular basis. You know, I don’t go to work days because I am a great carpenter or know much about anything about building. I go because my men are there and thus, that is where I there undershepherd should be. So—with all that said—if you want to preach here you better be a “man’ man” like Jesus and you better demonstrate that you not only know the Word because you have spent time in it and with it—you better also demonstrate that you know our people because you have spent time with them and “in” them. Now let’s get back to the message.
Now note the disciples’ response to Jesus’ command in the second part of verse 37. “Shall we go and . . .” In essence, they say: “Are you suggesting that we go and meet their needs?!” I mean, you can just feel their condescending, better than they, selfish, bad attitude.
4. Disappointment, Left Unchecked, Will Turn A Ready And Willing Heart Into A Reluctant and Unwilling Heart. (38-45A)
So, Jesus, in response to their question asks them: “How many loaves do you have?” Note that there is no response recorded on the part of the disciples. So Jesus then issues two short, terse, and abrupt commands of His own—“Go and See!”
Then once Jesus got His answer (5 loaves and 2 fishes) He commands the disciple to have the people sit down. The NIV and KJV render this better in saying: “And He commanded them to make them all sit down . . .”
I think that the reason why Jesus has to command the disciple to Go and See how many loaves they have in the crowd and the reason he has to command them to make the crowd sit down is because they have to be commanded rather than asked because of their bad attitudes. But now look at verse 45. After feeding the 5000 and after the leftovers are collected, Jesus made His disciples get into the boat and go ahead of Him to the other side of the Lake.
The word “made” comes from the Greek word anagkazo. It means to force someone to do something or compel one to do something by force, violence, or verbal command. Thus, Jesus makes them do something they were not initially willing to do. In all of these verses you see a group of men that are not willing to immediately obey the Lord but are rather relunctant in their obedience—all because of a bad attitude that developed out of the disappointment they had experienced in not having their time with Jesus.
5. Disappointment, Left Unchecked, Will Turn Spiritual Laborers Into Spiritual Liabilities. (45B)
As Jesus was ending his time ministering to the crowd of over 5000 He had to send His disciples away because they had become spiritual liabilities rather than spiritual laborers. Their bad attitude was impeding Jesus’ ability to effectively minister to these people so He sent them away. They were essentially, interrupting the ministerial process and instead of Jesus being able to focus His attention on this crowd of people who desperately needed His attention—He is having to deal with some disgruntled sheep who are demanding His attention.
This happens all the time in churches doesn’t it?! I mean, how many churches are stagnant, losing ground, and essentially dead in the water because the leadership is having to deal with spoiled, disgruntled, unhappy, self-centered, members and attenders who got their nose tweeked by something that occurred or did not occur the way they thought it should?!
6. Disappointment, Left Unchecked, Will Rob Us of The Joy of Experiencing God’s Fellowship. (46-47)
The disciples should have been with Jesus on that mountain that night. Their vacation had really only been delayed but because of their bad attitude they had to be sent away and while Jesus was on the mountain they were in a boat on the Lake. Their disappointing circumstances were not handled properly and thus led to the bad attitude which robbed them of the joy of experiencing Jesus’ fellowship that night.
Disappointment left to itself is sin! It is the sin of unbelief in the sovereignty of God over your circumstances. And left to itself it prevents you from having fellowship with God.
7. Disappointment, Left Unchecked, Will Harden Our hearts And Blind Us To The Presence And Work of God Going On All Around Us. (48-52 with John 6:14)
According to verses 48-51, the disciples were utterly astonished to see Jesus walking on the water. In fact, according to Matthew’s account of this incident found in Matthew 14:33, they worshipped Jesus, saying “You are certainly God’s Son!” But look at verse 52 in Mark 6. While greatly impressed with Jesus for walking on the water—they had completely missed the significance of the fact that He had fed over 5000 people with five loaves of bread and two fishes. How could they possibly have missed the fact that this miracle also pointed to His deity? Their bad attitude developed as a result of their disobedience blinded them to the work of God in their midst.
The fact of the matter is that this happens all the time in the church. In well over 20 years of ministry, I think that pretty much without exception those people who have come to me complaining that God wasn’t working in our church or whatever ministry we were involved in were simply blind to what God was doing right in front of them—and they were blinded by their own bitterness that resulted from being disappointed by someone or something.
Turn with me to Hebrews 12:15 to see what the Bible has to say about these roots of bitterness that seem to pop up in our lives more often than they probably should.
First, of all when you find yourself becoming bitter toward another or toward even a group of people it is a sign that you are living “short of the grace of God”. In other words, you are not applying the same kind of graciousness toward those who have disappointed you as God did and does toward you and I when we sin against Him.
Second, this simple case of bitterness that you think is a personal thing and no one else’s business is going to be more trouble for you than you realize. You see bitterness is like crabgrass—once its in the lawn—it is almost impossible to get rid of without killing the whole lawn. And to finally get rid of bitterness—you will end up having to have it rooted out by God Himself and this will hurt and cost you more pain than you bargained for.
Third, your little issue with bitterness has the potential to defile others. In other words—it spreads.
You see, bitterness really can’t be contained. It spills out and as you tell your story of woe as to why you are bitter with so and so—the person you are telling either sides with you or so and so and now the root has become a vine that will effect far more people than just you.
Ultimately—people who have allowed their disappointments to turn into roots of bitterness cannot make much of Christ because they are consumed by making much of their bitterness and thus their disappointments.
CONCLUSION
So, How Then Are We To Deal With Life’s Disappointments?
REMEMBER—Our disappointments are God’s appointments for our good.
REGARD—Our disappointments as speed bumps not stop signs.
RESPOND—Appropriately to the cause of your disappointment as well as the disappointment itself in a godly manner.
1. If the cause is your sin—REPENT.
2. If the cause is someone else’s sin—FORGIVE & FORGET.
3. If the cause is someone else’s mistake—BE UNDERSTANDING.
4. If the cause is God’s direct providence—SUBMIT, TRUST & LEARN.
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