One of my favorite hymns, "And Can It Be That I Should Gain?", was written by Charles Wesley
in May of 1738. He wrote it
two days after he was brought to saving faith in Christ. What many Christians may be unaware of is
that the words to this hymn are Wesley’s description of how God finally broke
through his agonizing heart to bring him to saving faith in Christ.
You see, for
several months Wesley, even while serving as an ordained minister of the Church
of England as a missionary to Georgia in what is now the United States, knew he
did not belong to Christ and that Christ did not belong to him. He agonized over his lost condition but was unable
to find assurance of salvation and the forgiveness of his sins regardless of
how good and how hard he worked. Out of
desperation he sought the help of a Moravian preacher named Peter Bohler who asked him, “Do you hope to be saved?” “Yes”, replied Charles. Bohler then asked him, “For what reason do
you hope it?”. “Because I have used my
best endeavors to serve God.” Bohler,
realizing Charles was trying to produce his own salvation through his good
works, shook his head and said no more to him.
And Charles, even more frustrated, exclaimed, “What? Are not my endeavors a sufficient ground of
hope? Would he rob me of my
endeavors? I have nothing else to trust
to.”
A few months
later however, Charles did come to understand that his works were not enough to
save him and so he began to pursue faith thinking that faith would save
him. But now the problem he was running
into was that instead of seeking Christ—he was seeking faith. Faith had become the new work, which he
substituted for his former good works. A
glimpse at Charles’ journal reveals the struggle he was having.
May 13. I waked without Christ; yet still desirous of
finding Him . . .
May 14. The beginning of the day I was very heavy,
weary, and unable to pray. . . .I longed to find Christ. . . .
May 16. I waked weary, faint and heartless . . . In the
afternoon I seemed deeply sensible of my misery, in being without Christ.
May 19. I received the sacrament, but not Christ . .
. I looked for Him all night . . . I waked much disappointed, and continued all
day in great dejection.
Then on May
21, everything changed. After writing
about the “violent opposition and reluctance to believe,” he was experiencing
in his own soul as he considered the Gospel, God broke through and caused
Charles’ unbelieving heart to finally see, believe, and receive the truth. Here is how Charles described it:
“The
Spirit of God strove with my own evil spirit, till by degrees He chased away
the darkness of unbelief. I found myself
convinced, I knew not how or when, and immediately fell to intercession.”
Two days
later he wrote the hymn which has become my favorite. The words of the hymn come from his
journal.
And can it be that I should gain
An interest in the Saviour’s blood?
Died He for me, who caused His pain?
For me, who Him to death pursued?
Amazing love! How can it be
That Thou, my God, shoul’st die for
me!
Long my imprisoned spirit lay
Fast bound in sin and nature’s night;
Thine eye diffused a quick’ning ray;
I woke; the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and follow’d Thee.
Charles
Wesley never forgot the day God ripped the scales of unbelief from the eyes of
his heart and gave him sight so that he could see the beauty and magnificence of
Christ so that in his heart of hearts he truly desired Christ and was now able
to finally believe in Him for the salvation of his soul from the wrath of God
for his sin. A day in which he describes God as having “diffused a quickening ray” that woke
him up and lit the dungeon of his soul with the divine light of regeneration so
as to finally be able to see, love, and follow Christ.
The apostle
Paul describes this day, this moment, this process, we all passed through who have
been brought to saving faith in Christ as the day in which God “shone in our hearts to give the Light of
the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.” (2 Corinthians
4:6). Just as God said on day one of the
creation week, “Let there be light”
and there was light—once He declared His Light to shine in our souls there was also
light, and for the first time in our lives we were able to see the beauty and
attraction of God in the face of Jesus Christ and we, like Charles Wesley, woke
up, found our hearts free, rose, and went forth believing to follow
Christ. This is what it is to be
regenerated or as Jesus calls it in John 3:3 to be born again.
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